Coping With Stress

There are many factors that can lead to stress in a writer’s life.  The problem is that there are some sources of stress you can’t control.  Examples of things you can’t control are what people think of your books, how well your promotional efforts will pay off, and what online retailers are going to do next.

stress article

ID 19168698 © Alain Lacroix | Dreamstime.com

So how can you cope?  After struggling with overwhelming stress for the past four months, I’ve come up with a few things we can do to help put stress at a manageable level.

1. Routine

I think the first thing to do is set up a routine.  Predictability helps to buffer you because constant change is a source of stress in itself.

Write in the same place.  Do all your non-writing activities in a different place.

I suggest writing in the same place(s).  This can be the same room in your home, or it can be outside the home.  Once I started writing at the Starbucks cafe in Barnes & Noble, my stress level went significantly down.  When I’m home, I don’t write.  Some people have offices in their homes where they do all their writing.  So working at home is fine.  Just make sure it’s in the same place each time you do it.

I do all my non-writing activities at home.  I edit at home.  I do emails at home.  I do blog posts at home.  But I no longer write there.  If you write in one room, then consider doing all your non-writing tasks in a different room.

By writing at the same place, you train your mind when it’s time to be creative.  By going to Barnes & Noble for 3-4 hours a day, I have bumped my word count from an average of 1500 – 2000 words a day to 3000 to 5000 words a day in a month’s time.  I’m able to write faster, and I feel fresher when I’m working.

Take days off.

I know the conventional wisdom is to write every single day, but this was killing me because I wasn’t giving my brain time to decompress.  I always worried I’d lose serious word count by taking days off.  But in April, I started writing Monday through Friday (sometimes only Monday through Thursday).   The other days were days where I was not allowed to do any work.  I could do anything else, but I couldn’t do anything with writing unless it was necessary, which was rare.

Getting back into things on Monday does take a little longer than it does on Tuesday, but I’ve found the days off have been the trick I needed in order stop feeling uptight all the time.

2.  Sleep

Sleep is important for mental and physical health.  I recommend giving yourself a bedtime routine at the same time each night (if you can) to help train your mind to get ready for sleep.  I like to spend one hour in bed watching a movie or TV show off my Kindle.  Some people like to read for pleasure.  Some people like to listen to music.  Whatever relaxes you is best, and it has to be non-work related.

How many hours of sleep you need depends on your body.  I need nine hours of sleep to feel truly refreshed in the morning.  I don’t always get it since I have four kids, but if I can get it on most nights, I’m good.  Some people can get by with less hours.  Try different hours until you find your ideal hours.

I know this is not possible for everyone, but try to get as much sleep as you possibly can.

3.  Diet

A few years ago, I was a skeptic that what we eat and drink can impact our ability to work better, but when I changed what I was eating and drinking and was twice as much productive during the day, I was convinced.

We all know the foods and drinks that are good for us, and we all know what we should avoid.  I’m not saying you can’t ever have the bad foods and drinks.  Just make them a treat for rare occasions instead of a part of your daily diet.

It might take you a couple weeks to adjust to the new diet.  You might even need to gradually change the way you’re doing things.  But if you make it a priority to eat and drink better, it will impact your ability to work better.

4.  Exercise

The choice of exercise is up to you, but I prefer walking.  You don’t have to do this every single day, but if you can do it a couple times a week, it’ll be better than doing nothing.

5.  Laugh

When you’re stressed, it’s hard to laugh, but that’s partly why I believe taking days off from writing and having a wind-down time before bed every night can help relax our minds so we’re more open to humor.

And with that being said, I thought I’d leave you with a cute little comic I found that made me chuckle.

comic for blog post

ID 19168698 © Alain Lacroix | Dreamstime.com

Categories: Uncategorized

Ideas for Making Marketing Fun

Janet Syas Nitsick and I did a video, which I’ll share below.  I’ll also write down the main points beneath the video.

Typically, marketing has boiled down to things like announcing you have a book out, saying you have a review on your book, or sharing your book’s ranking on a retailer site.  But is all that really effective when you’re trying to appeal to readers of your particular genre?  While there’s nothing wrong with informing people about these things, today we want to discuss ways of thinking outside the box when marketing.

The main question to ask yourself is this: what is going to appeal to your ideal reader?  

Think of the kind of things that interest your readers.  This isn’t included in the video, but last weekend I took an online course, and an author mentioned sharing extra tidbits with his readers about research he did that links up to his books.  One example of this would be writing about a child growing up in an orphanage.  In a newsletter, you can then share the history of a real orphanage based off research.

That aside, I’ll go to the contents of the video where Janet and I share ideas on ways to market.

Book Launch Page (or a page on your website/blog like it)

  1.  Make sure you link to every store where the reader can find your book.  One of the main reasons people don’t know you have a book on Kobo, Barnes & Noble, iBooks, and Smashwords is because authors are so busy focusing on Amazon that they neglect to share links to other retailers.  If you aren’t exclusive to Amazon, help yourself get traffic to other sites.
  2. On this page, you can also include a bonus video where you discuss something about the topic.  I find this especially useful if you’re doing nonfiction, but you could do a video to go with fiction, too.  For example, I have a book launch page for a book I did on writing.  If I were to do one for a fiction book where I featured a Mandan Indian in a historical western romance, I might include a video from when I went to Mandan, North Dakota and took a video of their tribe.  Even if you don’t use a video on a page like this, you can use pictures to give your potential readers something “extra” they won’t find in the book.
  3. You might want to also put endorsements on this page.  If you’re doing nonfiction and you can get someone with a well-known name who is an expert on your topic to endorse your book, it can go a long way.  Now, I mainly work with fiction, so for me, endorsements come from the characters in the book, and I find these can have entertainment value for the potential reader. (It’s especially good if you can add some humor to it, though not all books will lend themselves to humor.)   Here’s one Janet and I did together that we mentioned in the video.  If you write series where characters from one book can show up in another, you can use them in the endorsements, too.  I notice readers love revisiting old characters whenever possible, so this provided an extra treat.
  4. Having links to share this page can be useful, too, so potential readers can tweet it, pass it along on Facebook, etc.  The more word of mouth you can get, the better.
  5. Also, if you have a gift for making a fun and interesting bio, please do.  In nonfiction, you’ll want to point out what qualifies you to write the book.  In fiction, let your personality come out.

Blog Post Ideas

  1. Character resigns or they’re not happy with what you’re doing, and they’re not shy about voicing their opinion on the blog.  Let your characters have an attitude.  The angrier they are, the better.  The other day I was watching a video on You Tube about actors who hated their own movies, and I really enjoyed this “behind the scenes” look.  I like to think of these blog posts as DVD extras the reader can enjoy.  Since I promised an example of the blog post I did where I had a character resign, here’s the post if you want to check it out.
  2. Character plays the critic.  Have fun at your own expense.   You know those negative reviews you’ve gotten or the ugly email saying you suck and why?  Take this as fuel for your blog post.  Let one of your characters come onto your blog and voice the same complaints, but do a twist on it and make it funny.   I found as soon as I had the characters voice the same complaints my critics were saying, the complaints no longer bothered me.  So in a lot of ways, this technique is very therapeutic while making others laugh.  Honestly, I believe most people are drawn to others who aren’t afraid to admit they’re not perfect.  And this will make you seem more human to your reader.
  3. Audition for another author’s book.  (And get the author to respond if you can.)  Here’s an example of the one I did for Janet’s upcoming book.  This is all fun, of course, and I think it can help readers see us as real people when we take a chance by appearing in pictures or video as ourselves in some quirky or unusual way.  If there are bloopers, share them.  Bloopers are some of the funnest things to watch.  Here’s an example of the one where Janet and I were together (and yes, there really was a spider in the room.)  If you want to take it a step further, are your characters happy you spent time focusing on another author’s book?  Or might they feel betrayed?  What kind of video or blog post might that lead to?

Got ideas on making marketing fun that we didn’t think of?  Please share them below.  The more ideas we have, the better.

Categories: Book Promotion, Marketing & Promoting | Tags: , , , , , ,

Don’t Feed the Trolls

Wow! It’s been ssssooooo long since I wrote a post here (looks like sometime in 2013), even though I’ve continued to lurk around checking things out.

For whatever reason I just got an image of Batman, or would that be Batgirl, slinking around?

Anyhoo, there are so many new people here that I feel the need to introduce myself again.

Hello! *dorky grin and wave* My name is Stephannie Beman, I’m a writer. I write books.

And yes, I’m this awkward in person, possibly even more so.

Actual picture of me so you know who you're talking too. :D

Actual picture of me so you know whose talking.

Okay, now that the introductions are out of way, we can focus on the important stuff. The reason I decided to break my long silence and write this post.

Storytime

Once upon a time, in a land not so far away, there lived a group of people terrorized by Trolls. These were not the normal kind of trolls with an ugly countenance, giant tusks, long claws, and sharp teeth. These Trolls were the covert kind. The ones that looked like everyone else, hiding in plain sight. It was only through their actions that the truth of what they were was revealed.

These nasty, mean, awful beasties thrive on stalking their prey, destroying lives, causing self-doubt, and ruining the dreams of the people. But then the people started to learn an important secret about the snarling creatures.

Don’t feed the Trolls. It only makes them stronger.

By feeding the trolls ego the people were giving the trolls what they wanted. Control. These people learned a few ways to weaken the noxious influences of the trolls in their lives by….


Knowing That It’s About Them

Those who go around behaving in an abhorrent manner that reminds you of a raging toddler in adult form are trolls and you should tell yourself that it has very little, or more likely, nothing to do with you personally. Yes, I know the attack was probably personal in nature, they usually are. But it’s not about you. It’s all about them. It’s about who they are, their past experiences, their unmet desires, their inability to communicate in positive ways, their fears. Anger is just fear indulged and magnified in an unhealthy and hurtful manner.

That Sometimes It’s About You

Yes, sometimes you did or said something to contribute to the incident. However, that doesn’t mean you are to blame. If you said or did something they didn’t agree with, they could have taken their mom’s advice and walked away without saying a word. Nothing says that anyone has to agree with everyone’s opinions, but the trolls are the ones that feel justified in pointing it out in great and insulting detail why you are wrong. They want you to see it their way because it is the ‘only way’. It doesn’t mean it’s the truth, or even your truth.

Some trolls find insult in the smallest things, like the woman who was angry at me for “destroying the Persephone myth” in one of my stories by not following the myth to a ‘T’. Not only did she point it out in great detail what I did wrong, but she brought a few of her friends along to do the same. At the time I was a newbie author who took what she said to heart and it crushed me.

Why? Because I was afraid that she was right about my ability to tell a good story, a deep-seated fear that was created long before she came along. I was afraid that everyone would hate the mythology that I created and that the books would fail miserably. I really had to take a good look at that fear and ask myself if it’s justified. Years later I can say, I told the story that I wanted, in the way I wanted to, and as a fiction writer it is my right to screw it up royally if I want.

Either Way, You’ll Never Know The Whole Truth

Even if you ask. There rarely is a good reason for trolls to do what they do. They are no better than the schoolyard bully trying to feel better about themselves or impress the other bullies by attacking “the little guy” to make themselves feel important

If some of the troll attacks I’ve had over the years are anything to go, it probably won’t make sense even if they tell you the problem they have with you. I’m still scratching my head over one woman’s scathing remarks over my author bio which I won’t go into detail other than to say that for two days she personally attack me and all those who commented on the blog post that had nothing to do with the bio. I came back from the weekend to 120 comments.

Years later, she apologized for her behavior and being curious as to what started it I asked her in the hopes of understanding why something so simple had set her off. It only triggered another bout of personal insults. Needless to say, I still don’t understand her reasoning and probably never will.

So Remember The 1/3rd Rule

When I was in the 2nd grade I came home crying because some of the girls didn’t want to be my friend because I wasn’t girly enough and I was kinda weird. My mother told me that there is no way to please everyone I met and to try would only twist me out of true. That rather than change to be their friend, I should surround myself with friends who loved me for who I am. I learned early that people will try to change those not like them and demand that they bend over backward to please them.

Later I learned the 1/3rd Rule. 1/3 of people you meet will love you, 1/3 of people you meet will hate you, and 1/3 of people you meet won’t care one way or the other about you. So I guess the question is, do you really want to spend your life trying to impress people only to fail? Or would you rather strive to impress the person you have to live with the most, yourself?

Because Resistance Is Futile

Yes, I love Star Trek. And I do use this phrase on my kids regularly, although the circumstances usually involve cleaning their rooms or doing their chores. Mom is the Borg and resistance is futile. You will be assimilated, kids.

Surprisingly, it also applies to trolls. You can’t change the minds of bullies. They will think what they want no matter what you do. Sometimes you can teach them a hard lesson, but I wouldn’t suggest it. It has the horrible potential of backfiring and causing you more harm.

No matter what you say or do, defending yourself against a bully will only makes things worse because if they don’t “hate” you for one thing, they will find another “fault” to hate about you. Haters hate.

And Hate Is Contagious

Trolls ‘hate’ you for anything and everything you do, and that hate can contaminate you if you let it in. If you aren’t careful their hatred might become yours. Don’t own that.

Hate is like an infection that spreads and consumes the person. A better use of your time would be to learn from what they say, and if changes need to be made (like improving my horrible grammar), then it is better to put energy into improving yourself rather than hating the trolls. It’s not like they care if you hate them, it only gives them more power.

Just Wait 24 Hours

Don’t respond to them. Stop responding to them. Ignore them.

If I learned one thing from the schoolyard, bullies hate to be ignored, and nothing angers them more than your apathy. It’s actually the perfect revenge. If you don’t feed the trolls, they’ll eventually lumber off in search of easier prey who will respond to them and feed their need for control and conflict.

Another thing I’ve learned over the years is that most things, even the vilest of rumors, die within 24 to 72 hours. It might be Hell during that time but there will always be juicer gossip for people to consume.

Or Delete Them

If it’s an offensive blog comment, delete the comment or post a note that their comment was “deleted for offensive behavior”. It sends a message to the other Trolls that see it that your blog isn’t their stomping grounds and their attacks will not be tolerated.

Regardless if you can delete them or not, don’t speak to people who are bad for you. You deserve better than their venom. They aren’t worth the breath, or words you’ll write, to answer them. Don’t become the thing you hate in the mistaken belief that you are combating them.

Either way, Don’t Respond to Them

I get the need to defend yourself by creating boundaries and lines that trolls can’t cross without consequences. I’m not saying ‘turn the other cheek’ or ‘let them use you as a doormat’, I’m suggesting fighting them in a way that hurts them most, by not giving them the attention they want.  I found that if I do or say something, even if it’s calm and rational manner, I’ll eventually say something they will later be use against me.

In the grand scheme, ignoring them and removing them from your life is the best advice I can give you.

Eventually, Time Heals all Wounds

Anger and hate ultimately passes if you let it and you will heal from what was said. In time, you might even be able to shrug it off as an unfortunate learning experience or laugh about “that one time when that one person told me…” or you could use that anger toward the troll in your next story. What better way to relieve the pressure then by using that energy to fuel your story? You can even make your troll into the villain and proceeded to kill them horribly and violently.

And yes, I am that vengeful. However, the idea came from other writers who have used strong emotions to create emotional charged scenes in their books and from time to time even immortalized their enemies by making them the villains in a story.😀


In Summary, Trolls are bad

Nothing makes their attacks right or excuse their behavior. Feeding the trolls makes it worse. Letting them into your lives is like bathing in toxic waste. You will not get superpowers. You will get burned. Keeping them around like allowing a feral Mountain Lion to sleep at the end of your bed. You’re likely to wake up one morning with a Mountain Lion gnawing on a body part. Really not smart.

Be smart. Don’t feed the Trolls.

Categories: The Reader, The Writer & Author, Writing as a Business | Tags: , , , , ,

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